10 Ways to Be a GREAT Wrestling Parent!

1. Verbally & Nonverbally communicate that you believe in them. Great parents believe in their kids and communicate it regularly. You can TELL them and SHOW them that you believe they can do anything!

2. Verbally & Nonverbally communicate that you accept them, love them, & are proud of them NO MATTER WHAT. Let them know that their fun, happiness, and enjoyment are more important than winning and perfection. If you focus on their happiness and enjoyment, it might increase their success rate anyways because they are having a more positive experience.

3. Praise their performance, not their outcome. You want to compliment any skills they did particularly well or any new skills that they have mastered. For instance, if your kid gets a takedown or has a better sprawl, but they still lose the match, don’t even focus on the outcome – instead compliment and praise their improvement. You want them to remember that they are improving and have them focus on how much better they have gotten. Plus, complementing or giving them too much feedback for winning teaches them that winning is all that matters, and by default losing disappoints you. Kyle Dake a 4X D-I NCAA Champion at four different weight classes, who is widely regarded as one of the greatest college wrestlers of this generation, said “When changed my mindset and focused on improving as an athlete in specific positions instead of focusing on winning or losing that’s when I made a big jump as an athlete.” Your child constantly improving in wrestling and in life is the most important thing they could get out of sports. Focus your feedback on their effort, performance, and improvement rather than their wins and losses.

4. If you do want to give your child some constructive criticism, ask them first. You can simply say, “Would you mind if I told you what I think?” This gives your kid a sense of power in the conversation and prepares them to hear some criticism.

5. Avoid always talking about wrestling at home. Instead, let your son or daughter bring up the topic. That way, you know they want to and are open to talking about it. This way, your home can be seen as a place of peace, positivity, and mental recovery, especially after a tough practice or match.

6. Just be positive and supportive at all times, most importantly when your child has a tough match or experience. Most of the time that is what your child wants and needs.

7. If you read news articles about other teams or see rankings of other teams or opponents, try to avoid talking about it with your son or daughter. They don’t need to know if the wrestler that beat them is ranked in the state or won tournaments prior in the year. It’s just not necessary and doesn't do anything positive from a mindset standpoint.

8. It’s really important to know your role. The athletes compete, coaches' coach, the officials officiate – and as a parent, you should parent. Try to avoid overlapping these roles. Let each adult and kid involved play their role and it’ll be more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

9. Don’t make a particular match or tournament “special” or hype it up too much. This adds extra pressure on your son or daughter especially because they pick up this mentality from you. The goal is to treat all types of competitions the same, so that a “more important” match or tournament won’t psyche out your wrestler too much and they can stay focused.

10. Finally, when in doubt of what to do, just give your child some space. This might be hard to do but most of the time it’s the right thing to do. If your wrestler just lost a match, they will need some time and room to process it. If you want to initiate a conversation but are unsure if they are ready you can ask them, “Do you want to talk about it?” and if they do, then they will tell you. But if they don’t want to, it is important not to push them into it. Just tell them, “I know you’re upset right now, but I just want you to know that it’ll be ok.”

Note: These tips are important to remember because even athletes at the highest levels are aware of their parent’s judgments and critiques and because we all want to make our parents proud. But just know that your role in their athletic career is the most important if all! Most of the time you are their biggest fan but can also be their biggest critic. Just keep these tips in mind so that you can stay a fan instead of a critic.